I made this video blog on Thursday night, shortly after taking my first positive pregnancy test.  Even though it’s a little out of date now, I thought I would share.

Freaking Out! from Erin on Vimeo.

On Thursday night, I took I pregnancy test…and it wasn’t negative.

I took another test Friday morning…and it wasn’t negative.

I went for blood work on Friday morning…and it wasn’t negative.

My HCG came back at 83.

I’m pregnant.

Right now I’m feeling shocked, surprised, confused, and exhausted.

I know you are all eager to know more, but there isn’t really much more to tell at this point.

Thank you all for your kind tweets and e-mails, and for all of your support on this journey.

…putting my pajamas on as soon as I get home, tea with milk, tea without milk, losing myself in a good book, watching my pups wrestle with each other, weekly pasta night with my family, looking at photographs, my lovely new blog design, cute owls, rubbing Ted’s head, watching trashy Bravo TV shows, snuggling in bed after the alarm goes off, rubbing my feet together to fall asleep, not having to do my hair on the weekends, answering blog comments, the word loquacious,  supporting my friends, acupuncture, bananas with chocolate sauce, watching That Thing You Do, the names of paint colors, dark chocolate, soft blankets, gingerbread, my iPhone, singing loudly in the car, buying $7 shoes, wearing boots, my cozy house, the smell of clean sheets, Candy Cane Hershey’s Kisses, using Kaya as a pillow, broccoli, taking self-portraits, playing with my necklace, the cold side of the pillow, and you.

…but it’s still really exciting in my book!

If you are reading this in a reader…STOP! Scurry on over here and check out my beautiful, lovely, wonderful, amazing new blog design from the fabulous Rachael.

Are you here? Good! Now swoon away! I certainly am.

Isn’t it amazing?  Rachael basically reached inside my head and pulled out this lovely new space for me.  Just the kind of change I needed right now.

I’m so in love.

Swoon.

Back in December, I said that it was my goal to finish one book and read three more by the end of the month.  I’m pleased to say that I met my own goal…it’s just taken me a month to write about it!  So, just what did I read?

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak — It took me months to finish this book, but that wasn’t because it wasn’t good.  This was one of the most beautifully written stories I’ve read in a long time.  The book takes place in Nazi Germany, and is told from Death’s perspective.  A different look at that period in history.  What I loved most about this book was the amazing character development.  I truly fell in love with many of the characters.  I highly recommend this read!

Nightlight: A Parody by The Harvard Lampoon — So, a Twilight parody? Should be funny, right? And it was funny…just not as funny as I thought it would be. A good parody is supposed to be ridiculous, and this certainly was, but at times I just didn’t get the stupidity.  There were a lot of things that just didn’t make sense to me, and I really was expecting some more laughs.  Still, worth reading if you are a Twilight fan who is willing to laugh a little at the series.

Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein — I literally devoured this book.  I got in one day, and finished it the next, so I guess you could say I liked it.  It’s a wonderful, true story about one woman’s struggle with infertility.  Peggy Orenstein does a fabulous job of putting you inside the mind of someone who is struggling with infertility. I highly recommend that you read this if you are struggling with infertility, or you know someone who is. (You know me, so yeah, you should read this.)

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls — I realize I’m probably a few years behind in reading this, but I really am glad I decided to give it a go.  It was a lovely, haunting, and somewhat disturbing look at a unique life.  It definitely served as a reminder that you don’t have to leave our country to find Third World living conditions.

What have you been reading lately?  I have no need to grow my to-read list, but I like to anyway!

Dear Potential Baby,

Here I am.

Waiting for you again.

Hoping that you are really coming this month.

I think about you all the time.

Every day.

I think about getting that phone call that will tell me you’re actually there.

I think about telling your daddy about you for the first time.

I think about seeing your heartbeat.

I think about seeing your face on the ultrasound screen.

I think about telling your grandparents that you are coming.

I think about how my mom will be your Nana.

I think about how my dad has been praying for you for so long.

I think about what we’ll name you.

I wonder if you’ll have your daddy’s eyes and my hair…or my eyes and your daddy’s curls.

I think about how you’ll smell so amazing when we meet you.

I think about how you’ll have a tiny baby nose and tiny baby toes.

I think about snuggling you.

I wonder what Rufus and Kaya will think of you.

I think about your future.

I wonder about your first day of school.

I wonder if you will love reading as much as your daddy and I do.

I wonder what instrument you’ll want to play in band.

I wonder what you’ll grow up to be.

I wonder if you’ll ever know just how amazing you are to me.

I think about you all the time.

I really hope we get to meet you soon.

Love,

Your Potential Mama

I’m in the middle of typing up a password protected post about something that happened at work today.  You are all welcome to the password, I just want to be able to vent openly about this.  Just e-mail me at stateiamin1 (at) gmail (dot) com for the password, or DM me on Twitter.

Also, because I’m so crabby about all of this, I don’t think I’m going to get around to writing my Fertility Fridays post for tomorrow.  I promise a good one for next week!

Well, here we are.  The dreaded two-week wait.  Sure, the injections and the ultrasounds are not so thrilling, but the two-week wait has it all beat in terms of suckage.

Two long weeks to wait for the results of your pregnancy test.

Two long weeks that are always filled with pregnancy announcements and a million other things to remind you of the state of your womb.

Two long weeks where your body plays non-stop tricks on you.

Two long weeks where time drags it’s feet just to spite you.

So, you wait…and wait…try not to go insane…and wait.  It’s really fun!

Clearly, distraction is the key, but what’s a safe distraction?  You can’t just watch any old TV show or read any old book.  You need a plan, and I’ve got one for you.  It’s the “Do This, Not That” plan to survive your two-week wait!

Do This: Dinner with your fellow infertiles or other sensitive friends.
Not That: Parties where you will have to explain why you aren’t drinking and suddenly don’t like shrimp.

Do This: Watch TV shows with no babies. The West Wing and Buffy are a good place to start. You can also try the first 3 seasons of How I Met Your Mother (in season 4, two cast members are pregnant, and there is a lot of annoying big-bag-in-front-of-the-belly shots.)
Not That: Avoid things like Teen Mom, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, The Pregnancy Pact…anything that is obviously about babies. Also look out for Private Practice.

Do This: Google cute puppy videos on the internet. Puppies make you smile.
Not That: Try not to look up your potential baby’s due date….or early pregnancy symptoms…or anything else related to babies. Just don’t go there.

Do This: Have your husband pre-screen your Facebook homepage for any possible baby announcements, photos of cute baby bumps or pee-sticks, etc.
Not That: Don’t log onto Facebook alone!

Do This: Read something fun and trashy. How about some Sookie Stackhouse? Everyone loves vampire sex!
Not That: Really, you probably shouldn’t read anything, because any book you pick up will have a baby in it!

Do This: Delete your charting app from your iPhone. You don’t need to anally track your fake pregnancy symptoms.
Not That: Don’t write down and agonize over every little twinge. Your boobs only hurt from smashing them so often to check if they hurt!

Do This: Call your fellow infertiles to whine about how long this damn wait is taking and to commiserate about the 9 million pregnancy announcements that have taken place recently.
Not That: Don’t call your mom. She’s just going to ask when you will find out the results.

Have I left anything out?  Probably.  The world is a minefield of baby reminders just waiting to blow up in your face.  Good luck surviving!

I’m still counting today as the weekend since I got to stay home.  Lucky me, right?  Plus, Ted was home Saturday, Sunday, and most of today.  So amazing.

Since I know you are all dying to know about our IUI, I’ll start with that.  We had our 4th IUI at 1 p.m. today, and it was our best IUI to date!  Two lovely, mature follicles, and 30 million sperm.  30 million!  That’s double our best previous number.  We are very, very excited and feeling hopeful.  Now, only time will tell.

Saturday and Sunday were spent on some fun little home improvement projects…

My fantastic London plates are hanging in the kitchen!  Squeeee!

Out with the old, nasty rug.  Now we have a pretty new office rug, and Kaya approves!

New shelves, new desk, and new side table.  Swoon.

Front view of new office space.  The books on the floor are flattening out the rug.

Desk detail.

Snazzy drawer that is perfect for Macbooks!

Totally unrelated, cute, puppy butt.  For Elizabeth.

Hope you all had lovely weekends, and that Monday wasn’t too rough!