the state that i am in » No M&M’s for This Cancer

I need to say something, and it will probably offend some of you. I sincerely hope it doesn’t because I in no way mean it to be offensive, but I can see how people would take it that way.

It’s been something that I’ve wanted to talk about for a while, but didn’t have the courage. Again, I was afraid of offending certain people…or starting a riot. I’m going to try and be as delicate as possible, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was a sophomore in college, about eight years ago. I came home for the weekend and he said that he had “a little cancer.” Well, if you know anything about cancer, there’s no such thing as just a little cancer. It was so hard for me to hear that. Harder than anything I’d heard before. I lay awake in my bed at night having horrible visions of my wedding without my daddy there to walk me down the aisle. The thought of my dad not being around anymore was my worst nightmare.

That Thanksgiving my dad and step-mom went to the Mayo clinic where my dad has his prostate and part of his bladder removed. We celebrated at my mom’s house without him. I had the pleasure of picking my dad and step-mom up from the airport, where, true to form, my dad informed me that his balls were now the size of cantaloupes. That’s my dad.

Since the surgery, my dad has had radiation more times than I can remember and been through chemo more times than anyone ever should. He’s on about 9 million different prescriptions for this and that. He’s still he’s usual happy self, but he’s tired. It’s been a long battle.

Not offended yet? Here, let me get to it then.

Prostate cancer is considered an old man’s disease. 95% of men over the age of 75 will die with prostate cancer but not necessarily from it. Men, it’s a mathematical inevitability that you will have prostate cancer in your seventies…yet there is little to no research being done. My dad was not an old man when he was diagnosed — he was in his forties — and his doctor said that he may have had the cancer for 5-10 years before the diagnosis! Tell me that’s not ridiculous.

Now, here’s where you might get offended. There are no blue ribbon magnets for your car. There are no blue and white M&M’s. Panera doesn’t ask if you want to donate a dollar to prostate cancer. Call up the American Cancer Society and ask to donate money to prostate cancer research. They’ll actually try and redirect your money to breast cancer!

Please don’t get me wrong. Breast cancer is a terrible disease that deserves the money and research it gets. However, does that mean that no other cancer does? My dad doesn’t deserve to know that someone out there is working to get some relief???

By all means, donate to breast cancer if it’s important to you, but while your giving that dollar, consider giving another dollar to prostate cancer, thyroid cancer, any other cancer. There are plenty of people dying of cancer who deserve that research.

And, here’s the really offensive part — please don’t give me dirty looks when I say that I won’t donate to breast cancer. I have my cause, you have yours. We’re all fighting to save the lives of our loved ones. Please remember that it’s not that I don’t care about your mom/sister/aunt. It’s that I care about my dad.

Erin, thank you so much for posting this! I have always felt the same way — why does Breast Cancer get to be the “star of the show” when there are SO MANY other forms of cancer out there killing people? I’ve watched 4 people close to me struggle with cancer (and watched one of them lose the battle), and guess what — none of those people had breast cancer. Everyone has their cause they fight for, and that’s wonderful. I’m all for ANY kind of cancer research; I’ve just never understood why there’s so much focus on that one variety of cancer and, most importantly, so LITTLE focus on all the rest. Cancer is cancer — whether in your breast, your esophogus, your colon, or your prostate — and every last form of it is terrible and needs to be researched and fought as much as possible.

I get you so much on this.

My sister was born with a form of Rhuematory Arthritis. She was diagnosed at two. But do you see anyone out there waving around flags for Arthritis research? No, because people don’t die because of rhuematory arthritis, they die from heart failure caused by the body’s autoimmune system being weaken from fighting itself.

So I get it. I understand your frustration that no one sees it. I get that every disease is a bad one, but why do only so many get the public attention?

Who knows.

It’s true, Breast Cancer has become the star of the show and other diseases get short shrift. Not only other cancers, but other killers. Tons of women are affected by heart disease, but we don’t hear about it!

Research needs to be done in ALL areas.

Hope your dad is doing well.

Even worse, heart disease actually kills more women than breast cancer (I think) and breast cancer gets so much attention, most women don’t think about heart disease, which they could take steps to prevent.

I don’t think anyone should be offended by your post. It’s a valid point you make. Some diseases are more “popular” than others, and it’s not proportional to what really needs help.

I’m definitely not offended by this post, but I do find it a little bit odd to call breast cancer a “star” of any kind of show. I think it’s just a numbers thing–Noelle brought up heart disease and it’s actually quite similar to breast cancer organizations in that it gets a lot of attention because it is so prevalent–wear red days, the red gown fundraisers, etc.

Believe me, I wish that breast cancer fundraising organizations didn’t have to be so popular, but I think it’s because so many people’s lives are affected by it and so many people’s lives will be affected by it in the future. And that does not mean that your father’s struggle is any less important. In all honesty, I hope that as the cure for one kind of cancer is found, it can become a universal cure. These diseases are so awful, and it breaks my heart that there are so many people in the world suffering from all kinds of deadly, debilitating diseases.

However, because I choose to donate to one, and you another, that doesn’t mean that we don’t both hope and pray for the same end result. Health, happiness, and a future without cancer!

((((HUGS!!!))))

I don’t think you’ve said anything here offensive. You are sharing how you feel on a serious issue affecting you family. There is nothing wrong with that, honestly I would have done the same thing. Hugs. I give you a lot of credit for sharing something that personal. I hope it did help you feel a little better.

You should check out this book on “pink washing” which talks about the commercialization of breast cancer. It’s a personal cause close to my heart but i totally agree with you on a lot of levels. It’s good to put out there the imbalance on these things.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I think that anyone who is affected by a particular disease (pink ribbon, red ribbon, purple ribbon or no ribbon) will become passionate about it over something else. Personally, I had a good friend lose his fight to leukemia, and now I support his foundation and raising money for his cancer hospital. I don’t think there is anything offensive in this post, I think it is heartbreaking and I wish things were different. And, frankly, I think the blue ribbon is a great idea.

xox

I know I am late to posting this but hey I have been at Disney. So lay off
But I just want to say AMEN.
Seriously.

Everyone should donate to whatever cause they want and not be pressured into it.

Much love to you and your dad.

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