It’s been a stressful month, and I have not been handling it well.  My anxiety and the overwhelming feeling that the world is trying to suffocate me are largely to blame.  The last month of school is always rough, but I usually feel better once my meetings are over and the paperwork is turned in.  Not so much this year.  Here are just some of the things weighing me down at the moment:

I usually get some lovely end of the years cards and gifts from my students.  This year, I got two.  Now, I’m not whining because I didn’t get presents.  That’s not it at all.  It’s just, after dedicating 2-3 years of my life to a child and their family, after going the extra mile time and time again, after making enemies with colleagues in order to do what is right for a child…well, a thank you card would be nice.  Don’t get me wrong, I love presents, but what I really want is that note that says, “Thank you.  I know what you did for my child and my family.”  I really didn’t get that this year, and it hurts.  It hurts a lot.

Those damn comments about summers off.  I’m sorry, but this is one of those myths about teachers that perpetuate the lack of respect that teaching professionals get.  I do not have the summer off.  It’s true that I am not teaching, but I am busy running my own business.  Yes, I love my summer vacation and I need a break from being in the classroom.  However, I am not sitting on my ass at home all summer, and I don’t know any teachers who are.  I already wrote a post last summer, so read that instead of listening to me whine.

I have a lot of summer clients this year and I am feeling overwhelmed by the planning process.  I’m starting to have doubts about whether or not I’ll do a good job.  I’m questioning my own ability to do my job, and I hate that.  I know I’m good at what I do.  I know it, but I like some reassurance once in a while.

I’m tired of having to compete with my friends in the “whose life is the worst” game.  Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone about what I’m going through.  I don’t want the response to always be, “Yeah, well at least you…”.  I get it.  Your life is tough, but sometimes so is mine.  Take a minute to support me.  I’ve been supporting you nonstop this year.

The truth is, I’ve been very frustrated by a lot of things this year..  It’s been a tough year trying to battle for services for my kids without actually being allowed to point out that certain services weren’t being provided.  I’m tired of people getting away with not doing their job and forcing me to pick up the slack.  Unfortunately, if I don’t pick up the slack, the person that suffers for it isn’t me.  It’s a preschooler with special needs.

I’m ready to finish up my last weeks at school and to spend the summer being my own boss.  I just hope I can hack it.

I realize this is rambling.  I’m going to blame it on the three, very strong, cosmos I had at dinner after my sister’s graduation.