the state that i am in

There is a darkness here.

It starts out small.

A speck of black in the color of your world.

Small, yes, but it’s always there.

Nagging at you.

How can something so small make so much noise?

As the months pass, though, the darkness grows.

It gets harder to ignore.

It drains the color from everything you once loved.

It strangles the air from your lungs.

Eventually, the darkness is all around you.

It’s completely black.

You stumble around in the darkness, hands in front of your face, searching for the light.

With most journeys, the farther into the darkness you step, the closer to the light you become.

This is not that kind of journey.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

There is no path to follow.

You just stumble and fumble until, if you are lucky, someone turns on the light.

But how long can you survive in such darkness?

How long can you wait before your body cooperates?

What if it never does?

A darkness like this can swallow you whole.

The trick is not to let it.

:HUGS: to you.
.-= Lollygagger´s last blog ..fireplace. =-.

This is beautiful! The “not letting it” part is definitely tricky.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Another kind of blue. =-.

whew. this has been an especially hard week for me, after finding out (yet again) that i’m not pregnant. and along with the holiday cheer, and seemingly endless pregnancy announcements around me… i feel very much like i’m being swallowed by darkness! thanks for this. it’s a little comforting to think about the other women out there who feel the same.

This reminded me of “The Neverending Story” (my favorite movie) only the darkness that was going to overwhelm everybody in the story was “The Nothing” and they totally beat it in the end! Moral of this comment, don’t lose hope! Atreyu didn’t.
.-= Leahchristine´s last blog ..Practice Random Kindness: Good Deed December Update #3 =-.

Love this. And yes, the trick is to not let the darkness swallow you, but how do you let it? That’s my daily battle.

I’ve just stumbled across your blog and I completely get where you are coming from! My husband and I have fertility issues as well (although he has children with his former wife). Its a hard pill to swallow sometimes! Hope you are now feeling a bit brighter.

Jody x

*hugs* I’m sorry your feeling down. I’ve been there and still there a little bit.
.-= Low Fat Lady´s last blog ..Choices =-.

Hang in there–you’re going through so much, from so many directions, it seems. Anyhow, so many of us are thinking of you.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Just really quick! =-.

Big fat hug for you and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Love you.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Holiday weekend movies =-.

**Hugs**
I’m so sorry Erin. I cannot imagine what you are feeling. Although this poem does an amazing job at expressing your emotions. It is beautifully written and expressive.
I’m still praying!
.-= Classroom Confessions´s last blog ..Not Me! Monday =-.

This was hauntingly beautiful. I can in no way imagine the pain that you are feeling, but you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
.-= Jane´s last blog ..And I also type 85 words per minute. =-.

Writing helps. It lightens the load to have your thoughts on paper (or on the screen) instead of in your head. I wish you the best, Erin.

Depression sucks.

Is there any medical care for the emotional/mental side of fertility? Therapy?

Sending good vibes your way.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..The woman clothed with the sun =-.

I love you lady, I hope you’re doing alright <3
.-= Kyla Roma´s last blog ..Have yourself…{an indie Christmas mix & a holiday break} =-.

From afar, it seems like you and Ted have done a good job of not letting it totally consume you and swallow you whole, though frankly I don’t know how you do it. I admire you so, so much.
.-= Nora´s last blog ..New Year, New Name! =-.

This is really beautiful. But I’m sorry you have to go through this. And I’m wishing you all the strength you need on the not letting it part.
.-= Allie´s last blog ..Did I forget to mention we live in the Arctic? =-.

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